Source: <https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/assertiveness-the-building-blocks-of-good-communication/>

# Assertiveness – the building blocks of good communication

*From the book – Chapter 34: Relationships and Communication*

## . Assertiveness

There are four styles of communication:

**Style** | **What it sounds like** | **Effect** |

Passive | “Oh, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” (when you do) | Resentment, being taken advantage of |
Aggressive | “You never listen! Do it my way.” | Fear, conflict, damaged trust |
Passive-aggressive | Silent treatment, sarcasm, “forgetting” | Confusion, mistrust |
Assertive | “I understand your view, and my view is different. Here’s what I
need.” | Respect, clarity, healthy relationships |

Assertiveness is respectful honesty: standing up for your rights and
needs while respecting those of others. It can be learned.

#### A simple assertiveness formula

“When **(behaviour)**, I feel
**(emotion)**, because **(reason)**. I would
like **(request)**.”

Example: “When meetings start late, I feel stressed because I have to
rush my other tasks. I would like us to start on time.”

[Read the full chapter – Chapter 34: Relationships and Communication](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/chapter/34/)

## Stories from real life

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More on this topic: [Helping a loved one with mental illness – family and relationships](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/topic/family-relationships/)

## More questions

- [Saying no – the building blocks of good communication](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/saying-no-the-building-blocks-of-good-communication/)
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- [The antidotes – handling conflict](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/the-antidotes-handling-conflict/)
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- [Making and keeping friends as an adult – explained simply](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/making-and-keeping-friends-as-an-adult-explained-simply/)
- [Understanding healthy and unhealthy relationships](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/understanding-healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships/)
- [Abuse and violence – healthy and unhealthy relationships](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/abuse-and-violence-healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships/)
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- [How to help a family member who is struggling](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/how-to-help-a-family-member/)
- [How to set healthy boundaries in relationships](https://psychologyforeveryone.com/answers/how-to-set-boundaries/)

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