# After the Baby

- Link: https://psychologyforeveryone.com/story/after-the-baby-35/
- Published: 2026-10-24T07:45:03+00:00
- Author: myadvisorfriend@gmail.com

Fatima gave birth to a healthy girl six weeks ago in Dubai, far from
 her mother
in Karachi. Everyone says she should be happy. Instead she cries while feeding and
wakes at night even when the baby sleeps. She worries she is a bad mother and sometimes
thinks her family would manage better without her.

Her husband works long hours and says, “Everyone is tired with a
 newborn.” Her 
mother-in-law visits and tells her to eat and rest. Fatima smiles for visitors, 
then weeps in the bathroom. She feels no joy when the baby smiles and is ashamed
of that.

At the baby’s check-up, the nurse asks how Fatima herself is doing.
 Fatima bursts
into tears. The nurse explains that a few days of weepiness after birth are common,
but low mood lasting weeks, with guilt and no joy, is postnatal depression, an illness
that needs care and is nobody’s fault. Fatima sees her doctor and also talks to 
a counsellor. Her husband takes night feeds twice a week, and she calls her mother
each evening. Over some weeks, the weight begins to lift.

Fatima later joined a small group of new mothers at the clinic.
 Hearing others 
say the same words she had hidden made her feel, for the first time in weeks, understood
and less alone.

### How to recognise it

 * Low mood, tearfulness, guilt or numbness lasting more than two weeks
    after childbirth.
 * Struggling to bond or feeling no joy with the baby.
 * Poor sleep even when the baby sleeps, little appetite, strong
    anxiety.
 * Thoughts of being a bad mother or of not wanting to live.
 * Hiding feelings from family out of shame.

### What this story explains

This story shows depression in women, linked to hormones, life
 changes and pressure
to be happy, and why it must be noticed early.

### Probable root causes

 * Large hormonal changes after delivery.
 * Sleep loss and the demands of a newborn.
 * Lack of family or practical support, especially far from home.
 * Pressure to be a ‘perfect’ mother.
 * Past depression or difficult pregnancy and birth.

### What to do

 1. Tell someone how you really feel, such as a partner, nurse or
     doctor.
 2. Share baby care so she can get a longer block of sleep.
 3. Keep simple routines of meals, daylight and a short walk.
 4. Connect daily with a supportive person.
 5. Do not wait for it to pass; seek professional help early.
 6. If there are thoughts of harming herself or the baby, keep the baby
     safe, stay
    with her and call the local emergency number or go to the nearest hospital.

### Whom to consult

 * Doctor or gynaecologist at the postnatal check, or family doctor, as
    soon as
   low mood lasts beyond two weeks.
 * Psychiatrist if symptoms are heavy, with thoughts of self-harm or
    harm to the
   baby.
 * Counsellor or clinical psychologist for talking support.
 * Health visitor or nurse at the baby clinic, who can arrange next
    steps.

### Do and don’t

  |  **Do** |  **Don’t** |  
   |  Ask how she is, not only how the baby is. |  Do not say ‘you have everything to be happy about’. |  
 |  Take over chores. |  Do not compare with other mothers. |  
 |  Let her rest. |  Do not criticise her care of the baby. |  
 |  Reassure her that this is an illness, not a failing. |  Do not leave her alone for long if she is very low. |  
 |  Go with her to appointments. |  Do not hide her condition out of shame. |

### How to behave and⏎  communicate

 * Use a soft tone: “You are not alone in this, and you are not a bad
    mother.”
 * Listen without hurrying to fix.
 * Ask: “What would help most today?”
 * Praise something she did well.
 * Offer presence and practical help rather than advice.