I Always Fail – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 5: Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts and Moods

I Always Fail

Vikram, forty, was an engineer in Chennai who had just delivered a client presentation. Most of it went well, but one slide had a mistake and a client frowned. By evening Vikram was certain: 'I always mess up. Everyone now thinks I am useless. I will be sacked.' He barely ate and replayed the frown in his mind until 2 a.m.

His wife Revathi, who had attended a workshop on thinking habits, sat down with him. She explained that the mind sometimes plays tricks called thinking traps. 'You are saying I always fail. That is all-or-nothing thinking. You are focusing on one frown and ignoring the rest, which is a mental filter. And you are jumping to conclusions that you will be sacked.'

What this story explains

This story shows the cognitive triangle of thoughts, feelings and behaviour and common thinking traps such as all-or-nothing thinking, mental filter and jumping to conclusions. It shows the thought record as a practical tool for reaching a balanced thought.

How to recognise it

Words like always, never, everyone, nothing in self-talk.
Focusing on one negative detail and ignoring the positives.
Predicting disaster without evidence.
Strong feelings such as shame, dread or sadness following an ordinary event.
Avoiding work or tasks because of expected failure.

What to do

Catch the thought and write it down exactly.
Rate the strength of the feeling from 0 to 100.
List evidence for and against the thought.
Ask what you would say to a friend in the same situation.
Write a fairer, balanced thought and rate the feeling again.
Seek professional help if distorted thinking stays strong for weeks or affects daily life.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do treat thoughts as ideas, not facts.	Don't argue with yourself in the middle of the night.
Do collect evidence on both sides.	Don't use words like always and never.
Do use balanced, specific language.	Don't ignore the positives.
Do take small corrective steps.	Don't punish yourself for one mistake.
Do be kind to yourself.	Don't hide the thoughts from everyone.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 5: Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts and Moods

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