Missing Her, Slowly Healing – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 1: What Is Mental Health?

Missing Her, Slowly Healing

Mrs Annamma Joseph was seventy and had lost her husband of forty-five years in March. By June she was still crying most evenings, and sometimes she set two cups for tea before remembering. She had stopped going to the church choir. Her daughter Sheeba, living in Dubai, phoned every day and worried that her mother was becoming ill.

Annamma told her, 'I am not ill, I am grieving. It is not the same thing.' Still, Sheeba wondered. Her mother was eating small meals, sleeping badly, and sometimes said she wished she could join him. She also cooked on Sundays, called her sister, walked to the market and laughed when her grandson sent funny voice notes. Sheeba could not tell whether this was normal sorrow or something more.

What this story explains

This story shows the difference between good mental health that includes sadness and a disorder that needs care. It also shows how life stages, such as later life, bring particular losses and why checking in matters.

How to recognise it

Sadness linked to a clear loss that comes in waves and eases with company or memories.
The person still enjoys some things, keeps some routines and can be comforted.
Signs that need more attention: constant hopelessness, feeling worthless, not eating or sleeping for weeks, or talk of not wanting to live.
Distress that stays very intense for a long time and stops the person functioning.
Mental health lives on a continuum; the same person can be coping well one week and struggling the next.

What to do

Let the person talk about the loss as often as they need, using the loved one's name.
Keep small routines alive: meals, a short walk, a call each day.
Encourage connection with community, faith groups, neighbours or a grief support group.
Watch for warning signs and note how long they last.
Ask directly and calmly about hopelessness or thoughts of not wanting to live.
Arrange a doctor's visit if sadness is deepening after a few weeks or if basic care is slipping.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do allow tears and silence.	Don't say 'be strong' or 'he is in a better place' to rush feelings.
Do stay in regular contact, even by phone.	Don't set a deadline for grieving.
Do mention good memories as well as sad ones.	Don't assume sadness always means illness.
Do ask about sleep, food and safety.	Don't ignore talk of wanting to die.
Do encourage gentle company and sunlight.	Don't leave the person completely alone for long.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 1: What Is Mental Health?

Stories from real life

The Quiet Room at Number Twelve – Meera was sixteen and, until about two months ago, the loudest person in her house. She sang while doing homework, argued about cricket with her brother…
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The Headaches That Had No Field – Ramesh, forty-eight, farmed three acres in a village in Vidarbha. After two failed monsoons and a loan he could not repay, he began to complain of…
Riya, Age 22 – Riya used to enjoy college and friends. Over three months, she began sleeping late, skipping meals, and missing classes. She felt tired, irritable, and “empty.” She…

Shloks

Bhagavad Gita 2.38 – Holding pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat as equal, prepare for the work in front of you; thus, you will not incur wrong.
Sushruta Samhita, Sutra Sthana 15.41 – One whose fundamental energies (doshas) and digestive fire are balanced, whose tissues and eliminations work well, and whose self, senses and mind are clear and content,…

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Missing Her, Slowly Healing – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do