The Grandfather Who Stopped Coming to the Table – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 19: How Five Senses Actually Work

The Grandfather Who Stopped Coming to the Table

Raghunath Kulkarni, seventy-one, used to be the loudest voice at the family dinner in Nashik. He argued about cricket, teased his grandchildren and told the same jokes every Sunday. Over about a year, he grew quiet. He sat in his chair with the television on very loudly, and when guests came he went to his room.

His daughter Vandana first thought he was sulking, or that age was making him gloomy. Then she noticed small things. He said 'what?' often, answered questions that had not been asked, and stopped answering the phone. One evening she saw him smile politely at a conversation he clearly could not follow, and her heart sank. He had not lost interest in the family. He could no longer hear them.

What this story explains

Hearing loss can quietly cause isolation, low mood and even look like memory decline, as the chapter describes under the hearing section. Checking the sense organ first can change the whole picture.

How to recognise it

Withdrawal from conversation, parties or phone calls that used to be enjoyable.
Asking people to repeat things, turning the television up, or giving answers that do not fit the question.
Irritability, sadness or tiredness that builds slowly over months, often after a long day of straining to listen.
Ringing or buzzing in the ears (tinnitus), which can go with low mood or worry.
Family starting to say the person is 'difficult', 'forgetful' or 'depressed' when hearing may be the first thing to check.

What to do

Notice the pattern and speak kindly about it in private, not in front of guests.
Arrange a hearing test with a qualified ear specialist or audiologist.
If a device is advised, help with the adjustment period and encourage daily use.
Include the person in conversations by facing them, speaking clearly and reducing background noise.
If low mood, worry or memory complaints continue even after hearing is corrected, arrange a general health and mental health check.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do face the person and speak slowly and clearly.	Don't shout or exaggerate your mouth movements.
Do reduce background noise before talking.	Don't say 'never mind, it wasn't important'.
Do check hearing before assuming moodiness or memory loss.	Don't joke about their deafness.
Do keep including them in family events.	Don't speak about them as if they are not present.
Do be patient with new hearing devices.	Don't delay a test because 'it is just age'.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 19: How Five Senses Actually Work

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Shloks

Bhagavad Gita 15.9 – Presiding over ear, eye, touch, taste and smell, and over the mind, the person enjoys the objects.

More on this topic: The brain, hormones and body chemistry behind your moods

The Grandfather Who Stopped Coming to the Table – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do