The Words We Use After Ravi – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 32: Rights, Stigma and Suicide Prevention

The Words We Use After Ravi

Ravi, twenty-six, died by suicide in Bengaluru. His older brother, Kiran, was left with a house full of relatives and whispered questions. An uncle said, 'He committed a sin,' and an aunt asked what the family had done wrong. Kiran found himself saying only that Ravi had died of 'sudden illness.'

He could not sleep. He replayed every missed sign. He stopped answering friends' calls because he did not know what to say. At the funeral a cousin, Meena, put an arm around him and said quietly, 'I am so sorry. We do not have to say anything.'

What this story explains

This story shows the power of respectful language, such as 'died by suicide' rather than 'committed', how stigma adds to grief, and that people bereaved by suicide need support and gentle checking for their own safety.

How to recognise it

Intense grief, guilt, anger or numbness after a death by suicide.
Family secrecy, blame or shame.
Replaying the last days with 'if only' thoughts.
Withdrawal, sleeplessness and difficulty functioning.
Increased risk of low mood or suicidal thoughts in the bereaved.

What to do

Go to the bereaved and say you are sorry without needing perfect words.
Use respectful language and gently correct blame or jokes.
Offer practical help: food, errands, company.
Allow them to talk about the person for as long as they wish.
Ask directly if they are having thoughts of ending their own life.
Encourage professional or peer bereavement support when grief feels unbearable.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do say the person's name.	Don't say 'committed suicide.'
Do use 'died by suicide.'	Don't ask 'why' or assign blame.
Do stay in touch for months.	Don't hide the cause with a false story.
Do ask about their safety.	Don't tell them to move on.
Do offer practical help.	Don't disappear after the funeral.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 32: Rights, Stigma and Suicide Prevention

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The Words We Use After Ravi – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do