When Dad Became Another Person – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 31: Later-Life and Dementia-Related Care

When Dad Became Another Person

After two small strokes, Mr Okafor, seventy-six, was living in Lagos with his daughter, Chidinma. Over the last year he had become confused in the evenings, sometimes shouting and accusing the housemaid of stealing, and at other times sitting silent. His neighbours called it 'madness.'

Chidinma was ashamed and frightened. A relative suggested a prayer house where he could be kept 'in a quiet room.' She had almost agreed when her nephew, a nurse, said, 'Wait. A locked room is not care.'

What this story explains

This story shows the chapter's points on other causes of dementia such as vascular dementia, on behavioural symptoms needing professional help, and on respect, inclusion and dignity for older adults.

How to recognise it

Evening confusion, suspicion, or agitation in a person with memory loss.
Sudden changes in behaviour or personality after strokes or head injury.
Behaviour that gets worse with pain, noise, thirst, or tiredness.
Family shame, and talk of hiding or confining the person.
Risk of falls, wandering or unsafe use of appliances.

What to do

Seek a medical assessment for sudden or worsening behaviour change.
Check for pain, infection, hearing, eyesight and medicine effects.
Keep a calm routine, quiet evenings and familiar objects.
Use meaningful activities that fit his ability.
Make the home safe and plan against falls or wandering.
Never lock or confine him; ask for professional help and carer support.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do look for causes of distress.	Don't lock him in a room.
Do keep to one daily routine.	Don't call it madness.
Do keep him included in family life.	Don't shout back or argue.
Do review medicines with the doctor.	Don't use medicine or sedatives from a pharmacy without the doctor.
Do give carers rest.	Don't talk about him as if he is not present.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 31: Later-Life and Dementia-Related Care

Stories from real life

Just Getting Old, Said the Family – Mr Hargreaves, seventy-two, had been a head teacher in Manchester. Since retiring two years ago and losing his wife last winter, he had stopped going to…
Where Did I Put the Keys, Again? – Mrs Lakshmi, seventy-eight, lived with her son Arvind and his wife in Chennai. For the last year she had been repeating questions, leaving the gas on…
The Carer Who Forgot Herself – Grace, fifty-eight, had cared for her husband Tom in Cork since his dementia diagnosis three years earlier. He no longer knew the day, woke at night,…
The Empty Flat on Raja Street – Mr Fernandes, seventy, lived alone in Mumbai since his wife died and his children moved abroad. He ate lunch at a different tiffin place each day…

More on this topic: Ageing well, memory loss and dementia – caring for elders

When Dad Became Another Person – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do