Sam Told Nobody at Home – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do

From the book – Chapter 32: Rights, Stigma and Suicide Prevention

Sam Told Nobody at Home

Sam, seventeen, a pupil in Sydney, had told two friends that he was a boy, though everyone at home still used a different name. When he came out to his parents at dinner, his father walked away and his mother said it was a phase. The next day his things were moved. His phone was checked. Nobody asked how he was.

At school Sam grew quiet. He missed classes, and the teacher noticed marks on his arm. Sam said it was the only way to stop feeling so much. He felt rejected at home, harassed online and as though there was nowhere safe.

What this story explains

This story shows who is pushed further out, including gender minorities, and the chapter's point that care must be affirming, not a debate, and that self-harm in adolescents is a reason for care and a plan or attempt is a medical emergency.

How to recognise it

Minority stress: discrimination, rejection or hiding who you are.
Withdrawal, missing school, and a drop in mood.
Self-harm used to cope with emotional pain.
Cyberbullying or harassment.
Talk of hopelessness or not wanting to be here.

What to do

Listen first and respond with respect, not debate.
Ask directly about self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
Make a simple safety plan together with the young person.
With permission, involve a trusted adult or parent and share accurate information.
Encourage affirming spaces: a supportive teacher, friends, peer group.
Treat any plan or attempt as an emergency and contact emergency services or the nearest hospital.

Do and don’t

Do	Don’t
Do use his chosen name.	Don't debate his identity.
Do thank him for telling you.	Don't call it a phase.
Do ask about safety.	Don't punish self-harm.
Do protect confidentiality where possible.	Don't read his phone secretly.
Do help family learn.	Don't threaten to tell without a safety reason.

Read the full story

Read the full chapter – Chapter 32: Rights, Stigma and Suicide Prevention

Stories from real life

The Meeting He Did Not Join – Daniel, thirty-four, a logistics supervisor in Nairobi, had been treated for depression for four months and was doing better. He had not told anyone at work.…
What Farah Said at the Bus Stop – Farah, twenty-two, a college friend of Imran in Karachi, had been quiet for weeks. At the bus stop one evening she said lightly, 'You all would…
The Room With the Latch – Kofi, thirty, had lived with schizophrenia for ten years in a village outside Kumasi. After his last relapse, his family, frightened by neighbours' talk, kept him…
The Words We Use After Ravi – Ravi, twenty-six, died by suicide in Bengaluru. His older brother, Kiran, was left with a house full of relatives and whispered questions. An uncle said, 'He…

More on this topic: Mental health crisis and suicide prevention – what to do

Sam Told Nobody at Home – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do