She Stopped Seeing Her Friends – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do
From the book – Chapter 34: Relationships and Communication
She Stopped Seeing Her Friends
Ruth, twenty-eight, from Glasgow, met Callum at a party, and he was charming. After a year she noticed small changes. He checked her phone, was angry if she saw her sisters, and said her friends were 'jealous and fake.' He took over her bank card 'to help her budget.' When she laughed too loudly, he mocked her in front of others.
She began to feel afraid of his reaction. She apologised for things that were not wrong, cancelled plans and stopped answering her sister's calls. When she once said no, he went silent and then blamed her, saying that she was making him ill. She told herself it was her fault.
What this story explains
This story shows the warning signs of abuse, emotional, financial and digital as well as physical, the message that it is never your fault, and the need for safety planning before leaving.
How to recognise it
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Being afraid of a partner's reaction.
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Constant criticism or humiliation, including in public.
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Money, phone, movements or clothing controlled.
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Being cut off from friends and family.
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Threats, pressure or being forced to do things you do not want to do.
What to do
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Believe the person and say clearly that it is not their fault.
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Keep in touch without pressure, and offer a safe place to talk.
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Help them reach a trusted person, a doctor, or the police.
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Encourage safety planning before leaving, with advice from a trained professional.
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Help them keep important papers, contacts and money safe.
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If there is immediate danger, call the local emergency number.
Do and don’t
| Do | Don’t |
|---|---|
| Do believe her. | Don't blame her. |
| Do stay in touch. | Don't pressure her to leave suddenly. |
| Do respect her pace. | Don't confront the abuser alone. |
| Do help with safety planning. | Don't criticise him in front of her. |
| Do keep contacts safe. | Don't tell others without her consent. |
Read the full chapter – Chapter 34: Relationships and Communication
Stories from real life
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More on this topic: Helping a loved one with mental illness – family and relationships
More questions
- Left on Read – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do
- Why connection matters?
- What is the difference between loneliness and being alone?
- Understanding different kinds of relationships
- Understanding attachment styles in adult relationships
- The building blocks of good communication – explained simply
- Listening – the building blocks of good communication
- Speaking clearly and kindly – the building blocks of good communication
- Body language and tone – the building blocks of good communication
- Assertiveness – the building blocks of good communication
- How to help a family member who is struggling
- How to set healthy boundaries in relationships