Two Kitchens, One Quarrel – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do
From the book – Chapter 14: Counselling and Psychotherapy
Two Kitchens, One Quarrel
Hamid and Salma have been married six years, living with his parents in Hyderabad. Every small matter becomes a fight: who cooks, how money is spent, whose mother is right. Hamid goes silent; Salma raises her voice. Their five-year-old son has started clinging to Salma at night.
Hamid's mother suggests prayer and patience, which they appreciate, but the arguments continue. Salma finally proposes that they see a couples and family therapist. Hamid is wary, saying, "Will they take her side?"
What this story explains
Family and couples therapy treat the relationship pattern, not one guilty person. It can include extended family and respect culture and faith.
How to recognise it
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Repeated arguments over small matters with a pattern of pursuing and withdrawing.
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Each partner feels unheard or blamed.
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Children showing clinginess or sleep changes.
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Extended family involvement adding pressure.
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Silence or shouting that does not lead to solutions.
What to do
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Agree together that you want help, without blaming.
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Look for a therapist who works with couples and families.
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Share your values and faith openly so they can be respected.
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Practise speaking in turns and pausing when angry.
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Involve elders only if everyone agrees.
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Review progress after a few sessions.
Do and don’t
| Do | Don’t |
|---|---|
| Speak about feelings, not accusations. | Do not shout or threaten. |
| Take turns listening. | Do not bring up old wrongs repeatedly. |
| Take a break when angry. | Do not drag children into taking sides. |
| Respect each other's family and faith. | Do not use silence as punishment. |
| Keep the child out of the fights. | Do not expect the therapist to pick a winner. |
Read the full chapter – Chapter 14: Counselling and Psychotherapy
Stories from real life
- The Waiting Room – Priya, 26, a software tester in Pune, has avoided therapy for a year. She fears being called mad, being judged, and having to spill everything on…
- When Words Alone Were Not Enough – Luca, 41, a chef in Rome, has had panic attacks for three years. His heart pounds, his chest tightens and he fears he will die. He…
- Neha, Age 29 – Neha, twenty-nine, was always exhausted. On the outside she was the perfect friend, daughter and employee: always smiling, always agreeing, never saying no. Inside, she was…
Shloks
- Bhagavad Gita 4.34 – Know that by approaching with respect, by questioning, and by service. Those who see reality will teach you.
More on this topic: Counselling, therapy and psychiatric medicines explained
More questions
- When Words Alone Were Not Enough – what this story teaches, the signs and what to do
- What can we learn from the story “Neha, Age 29”?
- What are counselling and psychotherapy?
- How therapy works?
- What are the types of counselling and therapy?
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – one type of counselling and therapy
- Psychodynamic therapy – one type of counselling and therapy
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – one type of counselling and therapy
- Trauma-focused therapies – one type of counselling and therapy
- What to expect?
- What happens in counselling or therapy?
- Myths and facts about mental health medicines